Aimless is not clueless
I’m 1,689 miles from home and have no idea when or how I’ll get back.
No, that’s not entirely true. I do have a general plan.
I know I’ll be driving westbound and working along the way. I’ll be tucked safely in the campervan I bought for Covid road trips. And because my Rando Vando has only all-season tires and front-wheel drive, I need to beat the snow.
Except. A freak September snowfall in Denver this week reminded me of two Really Important Things. First: There’s no way to predict anything anymore. And second: There’s always a work-around when disaster strikes.
I’ve been away for nearly three weeks. As I traversed the country, I spent two nights at campgrounds on water, and three nights in empty houses while those friends were away. For 10 days in New York, I kept company with a friend who has cancer and prefers not to be alone.
I expected to cook and clean and drive her to chemo. But instead, we kayaked and swam, and she played tennis. We took a four-day adventure to the beach in Rhode Island. I did my work for clients and wrote my blog.
Now we’re back at her house. Soon, another friend will arrive and my care shift will be over. It’s time for me to hit the road. I’m itchy to choose a route. But not yet ready to commit.
I guess I’m feeling aimless. My son is doing college in my basement with a friend, and nobody’s waiting for me.
The dictionary defines aimless this way: without purpose or direction: an aimless, ungratifying life.
And the thesaurus says: purposeless, pointless, goalless, undirected, objectless, unfocused, without goal; meaningless, senseless, futile, hollow, frivolous, barren, profitless, fruitless.
OH MY GOD. STOP!!!
Aimless is not clueless. Messy, meandering, circuitous lives are not futile. They’re surprising, enthralling, riveting, and charming. They’re seductive, alluring, delightful, amusing.
Once in a while I’m lonely or cranky or scared. But I am NOT hollow or barren or profitless. And neither are you!
Covid has made life hard enough. So why not cut ourselves (and each other) some slack! Life can be good when it’s uncertain—messy even.
So, let’s be aimless together!
Let’s be open to not knowing, instead of mapping out every move.
Let’s drop what we’re “supposed to be” doing when a shiny idea strikes us. Or when a two- or four-legged creature rubs up against us looking for love.
Let’s drink instant coffee for breakfast and van-temperature whiskey before bed. Rummage for the sleeve of Saltines if we’re hungry in the middle of the night.
Messy is good. As long as we remember that messy is different than sloppy.
As we bumble along our uncharted courses, a wee bit of discipline comes in handy. We need fuel in the tank and periodic oil changes. If we’re lucky enough to have deadlines, we need to turn in our work on time.
Today is Friday, and I’m giving myself a week to get home. Because at sundown next Friday, Rosh Hashana will begin. My fate for the coming year will be inscribed. Ten days later, that fate will be sealed.
I’d like to be home when that happens.
