Living with the unknown

My mother used to say, The sooner I learned to live with the unknown the better off I would be. And yet she had one very fixed idea for my career: I would be hired to anchor the Today show when Jane Pauley retired. Whether or not that job or that career would make me happy—or whether or not I was qualified—made no difference to her. If she could visit with me “live” every day in her living room, it would somehow make up for my leaving home for college and never coming back.

In 1991, Katie Kouric got the job, and my mother was pissed. But after two TV internships, I had no interest in such a public-facing job. Years later, as a publicist for a cruise line, I brought former first lady Betty Ford to the Today show for a segment. Because of our uncanny resemblance at the time, Katie’s makeup artist called her over so we could meet. Shaking Katie’s hand was like shaking my own. It was small, she was my height, and we had the standard-issue hairstyle of the day: a short and shiny bob, colored a perky auburn to stand out in a sea of sexy blondes. And yet, I knew I didn’t want to be her. I didn’t want her job.

In the 35 years since that day, I’ve made countless leaps into the unknown. I bet you have too. Out of fear and impatience, haven’t we all tried to muscle our way into knowing? That never works!

Thankfully—finally—over the past decade or so I’ve been learning to still and wait for the known to reveal itself. But it’s a process! There are still at least three big things we all worry about and wish we could know.

Will my money last my lifetime? If you’re like me, you have a plan. But there’s a big fat disclaimer attached. The market could tank. We could need around-the-clock care. And. how long will that lifetime be? We don’t know!

Will my health hold up? In 2023, my health anxiety skyrocketed. I was losing my hair, shrinking, and gaining weights. So in 2024, I pretended to take control. I had every inch of my physiology checked and now I at least have data and a plan. But the future is still a blur.

Will love be worth the uncertainty? Now that I’m an active participant in a partnership, I have more than twice as much to worry about. Will he stay healthy? Will he make it home from solo wilderness trip? Will he—or I—stick around?

I guess what I want to say is that nothing is certain except that we’re running out of time to get things right. And If bravery means doing the thing that scares you, then we all have the same job to do.

Somehow we have to find a way to do more than just exist in the unknown.

We have to also be curious and comfortable and open to whatever comes next.