Time management for mortals

When babies misbehaved, we used to put them in time out. The rule of thumb was one minute for every year of their age. 

But like so many other punitive strategies of the past, the time out has fallen out of favor. We now know it’s cruel to lock an emotional human being in isolation and deliberately ignore their needs. No wonder we 60-somethings—who not only were put in time outs, but who later administered them—are so reluctant to show our feelings! But that’s a story for another day. 

Today, I’m writing about how we manage and spend our time. 

While I write, the cool morning is giving way to searing sunshine. The pickleball courts are filling up. And I should mop the floors. It’s eight o’clock on a Saturday morning and my Apple Watch tells me it’s time to stand up. 

I feel like I’m running out of time. But aren’t we all?

Time is a vortex that sometimes sucks us in. It takes a while to notice when I’m spending time on things I know are pointless. But here I am again.

Yesterday, I was so overtired that I napped in my van in the driveway. I’d gone to a lunch I didn’t need with a man I’ll never see again. The worst part is I knew it and I went anyway.

Then I hit the wall. 

After the nap, I took a 63-minute conscious time out. I realized I could drop the dog at the sitter and take care of only myself for a while.

I couldn’t have back the time flown by. But I needed to cool my jets. 

I listened again to Oliver Burkeman’s Time Management for Mortals* course on Sam Harris’s Waking Up app. I hoped his message would finally sink in: The average lifespan is only about 4,000 weeks. So how we spend our time really matters—but not in the cosmic sense. It matters for our sanity. 

The Stoics figured this out 2,000 years ago, but then the industrial revolution messed everything up. Thank goodness the pendulum is swinging back again. So, instead of recommending ways we can do more and more, Burkeman’s theory of time management says we should slow things down. 

Make conscious decisions. The Latin origin of the word decide, is decidere: a combination of off (de) and cut (caedere). Every time we decide to do Thing 1, we slice away the option to do Thing 2, or Thing 3, or Thing 4. Knowing this invites us to participate more consciously in our lives. We can eliminate ambivalence and regret.

Develop more patience. When we feel the rush to know, or to do, or to solve, what if we pause for a moment. Wait. Observe. Take just a small step in some new direction and see how we feel. Patience can be a super power—a secret weapon to use in the fight against urgency and distraction.

Accept our cosmic insignificance. Believe it or not, what you and I do today will NOT change the course of human history. Knowing this can be liberating! If we are mere specks in a vast universe, then we can decide for ourselves what’s meaningful. We can do what matters to us.

It’s been hard to sit still for long enough to write this blog. But I’ve prioritized and done what’s most important to me, right now. And that feels good. 

I can still go out to play (for a little while). I can still clean up (but maybe just the bathroom). And before I pick up the dog, I can clean my calendar of crap.

Then, when I’m ready, I can decide for myself what I want to do next.

*Burkeman’s course is behind a paywall, but you can listen to a great podcast conversation that’s free. Or write to me and I’ll share a link that’s free for a month.